If you’ve read the rest of my website you’ll know that I have two types of clients that I really enjoy working with – my Lovelies and my Lonelies.
Although these are not gender specific – men can be Lovelies and women can be Lonelies – it mostly seems to be the other way round.
The Lovelies are generally women and the Lonelies are generally men.
My Lovelies are the gentle, kind, people-pleasers of the world. They’re very lovely people – hence the name. They give so much in life, but get so little in return. I hate this injustice, so I like to champion my Lovelies as much as possible. I do this on Facebook and Instagram every weekday.
My Lonelies are the super-driven, go-getters of the world, who despite their financial success, can’t seem to find emotional fulfilment no matter how hard they try.
They often suffer with loneliness and depression – they generally drink too much or have other addictions. They’re not bad people at all, so definitely deserve to be happier.
I support my Lonelies on Linkedin.
All of my products are suitable for both.
The blog this week is for my Lonelies.
Because of their confidence and success, it’s not always obvious that Lonelies have low self-esteem….but they do.
They struggle emotionally because they spend so much of their time with their head down, being logical and focusing on their work/business.
They don’t use their emotional muscle, so it becomes weak.
Work is their comfort zone, their safe space – it’s where they feel important.
Something has happened in their early life that has given them an incredible drive to succeed.
It’s generally not something good.
(Ironically a really good childhood tends to encourage us to play safe – there’s no real hunger there).
It’s more often than not adversity or poverty that gives us that amazing drive.
On the surface it’s all about motivation and willpower, but deep down, most Lonelies have a lot of doubts about themselves.
They feel flawed or not good enough. Their insane drive is really just running away from this feeling.
It gives them a burning yearning to prove to themselves and to others that they are worthwhile, they are worthy and good enough.
They do this with their financial success.
They have nothing to lose and everything to gain, so they go for it. Big time!
They are pushed forward by the voice inside their head that says they’re bad or wrong in some way or damaged goods.
Often, this is the voice of an overly strict parent, teacher or priest.
Because Lonelies are so focused on accruing money and success they shut off their emotions.
They know that being emotional will only get in their way and hold them back, so they shut down that side of them completely. They bury their emotions in any way they can.
When emotions resurface (as they always will) they push them down again and then distract themselves. They do everything possible to ignore them.
Eventually they become emotionally numb.
When they become emotionally numb, they stop being able to feel the good stuff too and that’s when they start to feel down, depressed and lonely.
Emotions are our messengers. They have important information to deliver to us. If we ignore them they only shout louder.
When emotions become too loud we might start to drink or take drugs or do other compulsive things to blot them out. We don’t know what else to do.
Most Lonelies are carrying around a lifetime of stuff they haven’t even acknowledged, let alone processed.
It’s impossible to find true emotional fulfilment when you’re carrying all of this unprocessed junk.
Add onto this the fact that they spend so much of their time working and not enough time building relationships/friendships and you have the reasons for the problem.
From such a young age boys are told they have to be a man, not be a wuss, to man up, not to cry.
They are practically forced to hold in their emotions.
If they do let their emotions out, they’re often shamed for them.
Called names….humiliated.
Any sensitivity they have is knocked out of them.
This is the reason why so many men find it impossible to talk about their feelings. Why they become Lonelies.
They’ve had a lifetime of burying their stuff and just getting on with it.
They feel shame for even having emotions in the first place. They think it makes them weak – being vulnerable is an absolute no-go in some families.
Unfortunately, it’s our emotions and sensitivity that enable us to have deeply connected relationships.
And its deeply connected relationships (with ourselves and with others) that bring us that real emotional fulfilment.
Your big bank account and your fancy car won’t comfort you on your death bed, but your loved ones will….so you’ve got to make sure you’ve got some.
I said it in my last blog; true happiness lies in living as your real, authentic self.
If you constantly push down, drink, drug or eat your feelings rather than facing them, you’ve no way of knowing who the real, authentic you is.
He’s buried under a lifetime of unprocessed stuff…just a broken little boy living in a grown man’s body. (Don’t tell him I said that)!
Now you can see why I want to help my Lonelies so badly.
With all this in mind, I’m starting a YouTube channel next month. It’ll be called Men and Their Emotions.
There’ll also be an Emotions Masterclass.
Eeugh say all the men!
They’re both going to be about encouraging men to open up and feel more comfortable with their emotions.
I’m going to teach you that you’ve got to feel, so you can deal, and then you heal.
If I help the men, I help the women too, because they become better husbands, partners and boyfriends.
It’s a win-win all round.
If I can prevent one male suicide or death from excessive alcohol I’ll be happy.
That’s it for this week.
Much Love
Christina xx