“When life seems hard, the courageous do not lie down and accept defeat; instead, they are all the more determined to struggle for a better future” Queen Elizabeth II
I started working with a new client this week – let’s call her Karen.
Within the first few minutes of our session Karen starts to cry.
And she cries and she cries and she cries.
This isn’t at all unusual.
When we feel like we’re in a safe space after a prolonged bad period, with a kind, understanding person waiting to support us, it can feel overwhelming.
Overwhelming in a good way though.
When we’re deeply upset; when our emotional cup is completely full, it will only take one tiny bit of kindness for that whole cup to tip over…
And it ALL comes out.
That’s what’s happened to Karen.
If ever I’m upset and my loved ones try to console me, I always jokingly put my hand up and say “Stop! Don’t be nice to me. It will tip me over the edge.”
And it’s true.
That extra bit of good emotion on top of a lot of bad emotion can often feel like too much.
Karen keeps apologising for her tears.
Clients ALWAYS do that.
And I always reply in the same way, as I hand them my trusty box of tissues.
“It’s ok, I’m glad you’re crying, those tears need to come out.”
And I mean it.
Tears are VERY healing.
We have 3 different types of tears – tears to clear debris, like dust or smoke, tears to lubricate our eyes, so they don’t get infected (these are both just 98% water) and tears to release emotion.
Emotional tears contain stress hormones and other toxic chemicals that need to be flushed out.
After a few minutes, crying will switch us into our parasympathetic nervous system – our rest-and-digest response, and we’ll start to self-soothe.
Prolonged crying releases oxytocin (the cuddle hormone) and endorphins (the body’s natural pain killers) – these have the ability to heal our emotional and physical pain, so we’ll start to feel much calmer.
When we have a REALLY good sob (I highly recommend ugly crying) we take in lots of quick breaths of cooler air.
This oxygenates and cools down our brain.
Our body is much happier with a cool, oxygenated brain.
It restores our emotional balance.
That’s the reason our mood often lifts after a really good cry.
Some of us (Me) even cry when we’re really happy too.
Again, this is our body’s way of restoring emotional balance.
Sometimes good emotion can be overwhelming too.
So if you have that tell-tale knot in your throat, that tightness in your chest, that trembling lower lip – DO NOT RESIST IT!
Please, please, please don’t fight it – let all that emotion out.
I don’t ever want you to fight back, or bottle up your tears. They’re there for a reason.
This is how mental and emotional issues become magnified.
Walk the dog, get in the shower, excuse yourself (if you must) and do ANYTHING you need to do to let those tears escape.
I want you to sob them out.
The uglier, the better.
Your mind and body are trying to help you here. Don’t resist. Let those endorphins and oxytocin flood your system.
Through her tears, Karen just keeps repeating one sentence.
I’ve hit rock bottom…I’ve hit rock bottom…I’ve hit rock bottom.
Again, this is not unusual either.
In fact, I would say it’s relatively normal.
Some clients don’t reach out to me unless they’ve hit rock bottom.
The straw has broken the camels back, before they’ll do anything about it.
More often than not, my clients are at the end of their tether when I meet them.
Usually something has happened and it’s the final straw for them.
It’s caused a snap.
It’s either one big snap – an unexpected broken relationship, redundancy, or bereavement etc., or it’s a series of smaller snaps that have just become too much and culminated in a big snap.
Clients come to me all the time and say “I can’t carry on like this; something HAS to change.”
Often its ANGER, INJUSTICE or UTTER DESOLATION that makes us take action.
Mild disappointment is much worse, in my opinion, because it will never prompt action, we’ll just put up with it.
Swimming in a sea of mediocrity is a dangerous place to be.
You’ll die a slow, boring death if you’re not careful.
Rock bottom is actually much better – it means you’ve reached the lowest point you can possibly go.
There’s only one direction you can go then and that’s up.
This means you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
You’re willing to try things you’ve never considered before.
You are ripe for change.
“What the hell” you say, ”I’ve got nothing to lose.”
I always get client’s to imagine there’s a trampoline or springboard at rock bottom.
These allow you to spring in new directions.
New directions allow you to open your eyes and your mind to possibilities that you couldn’t see before.
Your old way wasn’t working for you, so it’s time to try something new.
Something, you more than likely, would have resisted if you weren’t at rock bottom.
Rock bottom can be liberating, it can be freeing; it can give you tremendous clarity, strength and power that you just wouldn’t have had otherwise.
Think of it as the perfect place to bounce back.
A time to start afresh in a new, better way.
With lots more wisdom.
The pandemic, the war, the cost of living crisis and now losing our lovely hardworking Queen are all only adding even more onto our emotional burdens.
Life doesn’t seem to be getting any easier.
If you’re at rock bottom, or you’d just really like to make some changes that would skyrocket your self-esteem and overall happiness, then please get in touch.
I’m happy to hold your hand and bounce back with you on the rock bottom trampoline 🙂
Much Love
Christina xx
P.S I’ve cried copious tears since last Thursday – for the Queen’s family and the nation in general. What an amazing woman the world has lost. 70 years of loyal, devoted service.
My beliefs tell me that she is now back with her beloved Philip, so I’m hoping she’ll be at peace. RIP Queen Elizabeth II.