As many of you already know, the reason I moved my established therapy/coaching business into Self Esteem coaching is because for most of my life I suffered with low self-esteem.
On the surface, I appeared quite confident and successful, but underneath I was crippled with not feeling good enough.
I was the ultimate people-pleasing, good girl.
I was the EPITOME of a low self-esteem Lovely.
It was only my extensive psychotherapy training that made me really appreciate this.
Once I became fully self-aware, it was like I’d woken up from a very long sleep.
It was as if the light had been switched on for me.
Fully awake and with the light switched on, it all made perfect sense.
I thought all my traits were just ME, they were MY foibles, but they weren’t – they were just classic low self-esteem.
Once I became self-aware, I started to notice a lot of the same traits in my clients too (to a greater or lesser degree.)
Most of my clients were also suffering from low self-esteem.
(Anecdotal figures suggest 85% of the population suffers with it.)
The root of our low self-esteem is almost always formed in our childhood.
And if we don’t realise and tackle it, it only gets worse for the rest of our life.
The busy, modern, social media world we live in does not encourage healthy self-esteem in any way.
As an information seeker, I adore the internet, and used in the right way, social media is a wonderful thing (you wouldn’t be reading this blog without it.)
But comparing leads to despairing and social media is the biggest comparison tool there is.
Low self-esteem can manifest itself in many different ways.
Often, it disguises itself as other things.
Anxiety…depression…addiction…phobias.
I can sum up low self-esteem in 4 words – I Don’t Like Myself.
In today’s blog I’m going to talk about when it manifests itself as people-pleasing, loveliness.
I’d like to introduce you to 3 different types of low self-esteem Lovely:-
Debbie the Doormat
Debbie is far too nice for her own good; she’s always the one everyone turns to for help, because she never says no.
She puts herself last all the time and has very weak or no boundaries.
She lives to keep other people happy and thrives on approval (although she doesn’t get very much).
She always gives others the benefit of the doubt and lots and lots of chances, but often gets stung because of it.
She is very hard on herself. Seeing lots of value in everyone else, but none in herself.
She never speaks her mind, for fear of upsetting anyone.
She deprives herself of most things because she doesn’t really think she’s worth it.
She is unhappy, unfulfilled and resentful of the injustice of giving so much and getting so little back.
Because of this she secretly comfort eats – excessively.
She is very sensitive, so feels her hurt on such a deep level, she just needs some sweetness to take that feeling away….
Garry the Giver
Garry is the nicest guy you could ever wish to meet. He’s a real sweetheart.
He’ll do anything for anyone. He’s like a knight in shining armour.
He’s very comfortable financially because he works so hard and is super accommodating.
All he wants is to love and be loved.
In relationships he is very generous, because he makes it all about his girl and her wants and needs.
And he loves nothing more than a bird with a broken wing.
He’s had many, many romances, but he always ends up getting his heart broken.
He tends to go for girls who are deeply troubled and need lots of support.
He believes his love can heal his partner, so he loves and loves and loves, but things never seem to work out.
The woman always ends up cheating on him, or leaving him, taking a good chunk of his money in the process.
His family don’t realise that he drinks far too much.
He’s blotting out his feelings of despair over yet another broken relationship….
Carrie the Career Girl
Carrie appears to have life sorted. Nobody would ever expect she has low self-esteem.
She has a great career. She’s right at the top of her game. She works very hard and is excellent at what she does.
She has a beautiful home, a sexy car, lots of holidays and a great social life.
Her wardrobe is bursting with designer labels.
Shopping is her secret addiction.
Deep down she doesn’t feel good enough, but she believes her designer labels tell the world she is.
She went to a fancy private school, but was there on a scholarship basis.
She was badly bullied for being the “poor girl.”
She has a disastrous love life.
All she seems to attract are avoidants, losers and narcissists who cheat on her or treat her badly.
Although super successful at work, she tolerates horrendous treatment in her relationships.
All around her friends and family are getting married and having babies.
She craves this more than anything, but it just seems to completely elude her.
She pours herself another very large gin and gets out her credit card again….
On the surface these 3 people seem very different, but they all suffer in the same way.
All their problems arise, because deep down, they don’t like themselves or think they are enough.
If reading any of these profiles (you may even be a hybrid of all 3 – I was) makes you think – oh no that’s me, don’t worry.
There are things you can do about it.
You can choose to work with someone who understands self-esteem completely – a self-esteem expert.
Someone who can take you through a proven process that can skyrocket your self esteem.
That someone is me…
My process has evolved over many hundreds of clients and many thousands of therapeutic hours.
I’ve tweaked, perfected and refined it.
We go deep into your psyche.
We uncover your conditioning.
We find out why you’re the way you are.
What your story is.
We do the detective work and then heal your inner child that is causing so many of your problems, once and for all.
Then we rebuild you, step by step, better than ever.
Every step is valuable and necessary.
Without each step, your transformation is not complete or permanent.
Along the way, you start to like yourself more and more.
It’s a wonderful, positively uplifting experience.
And we’re looking at the problem from the solution side, so it’s not painful in the way you would imagine.
Most people believe that they should be able to work this all out by themselves.
They feel guilt or shame that they can’t, which only makes things worse.
How can you know all this?
Your parents don’t teach you it (in most cases they’re the problem).
Your school or employer doesn’t teach you it.
You can’t learn it all from a single book.
So how can you know it??
Most people know they have a problem, but don’t understand what it is or what they can do about it.
So they just go through life repeating all the same mistakes.
If you keep repeating the same mistakes, you’re going to keep having the same life.
And as time passes by this will only get worse.
I understand working with someone in this way is a massive step, but don’t you owe yourself the opportunity to do it?
Most Lovelies are very, very good people.
The best people in the world.
They deserve more than anyone to be happy.
With Dream Self Esteem you really can have a Dream Life and Dream Happiness.
Make a promise to yourself that 2023 is going to be the year you finally make a change.
Why not let me help you.
Let me share all my years of experience with you.
Much Love
Christina xx
P.S If you’d like to read more about why you developed low self-esteem in the first place read my short E book. Why do I have low self-esteem and what can I do about it.