If you read my most recent post on social media you’ll know that I’ve just been to Ireland.
Northern Ireland this time.
According to my DNA, I’m 57% Irish.
Although I was born and bred in England, I’m actually more Irish than English.
And I couldn’t be happier.
I Love my Irish heritage.
Ireland truly is my happy place, so I visit as often as I can.
My ancestry is in the Republic, but I love Northern Ireland too.
Belfast is the perfect blend of English and Irish and is extremely friendly.
Just like me 🙂
Clearly, it’s been a very troubled city and remnants of that still remain, but overall it’s doing its best to move on and thrive in every way possible.
And it’s doing a great job.
The trip was with my 4 longest-standing girlfriends.
We were all at school together, so we’ve been friends for over 40 years now.
We’ve holidayed and taken trips together since our late teens.
We’ve gone away as young free and single girls, as couples with our partners/husbands, as families with all of our kids and now as (slightly) more mature women 🙂
We’re all very different, but somehow it works.
We’ve had a fabulous few days.
We did a concert at the arena, the open top bus tour and millions of steps sight-seeing all the different quarters.
We’ve eaten and drunk FAR too much.
We’ve danced the night away, soaked up the best the city had to offer, met lots of lovely people and laughed and laughed and laughed.
I’ve laughed so much I feel like I’ve completely cleansed my insides.
Plus, on our final morning I broke away from the group to also meet up with a new friend.
Someone I met last year, through my coach.
I don’t generally have the time to make any new friends nowadays.
As well as my school friends I’m blessed to have some other amazing long-term friendships, and it’s hard to fit everyone in with the space they deserve.
But this new friend is an exception.
Although we only met a few months ago, we have too many similarities and cross-overs that can’t be ignored.
It almost feels as if we’re twins separated at birth 🙂
So I’ve taken it as a nudge from the Universe that this lovely person needs to be in my life.
We had a wonderful few hours bonding and getting to know each other better before I flew home.
A new friendship is beginning to bud nicely.
It was late when we got back, and I can’t deny that I’m now in need of a few early nights to recover, but my happiness battery feels well and truly topped up.
This is in part because of my love of all things Irish, but also the time spent with my lovely friends.
Their friendships mean the world to me.
I think of all of my friends – male and female – as the family I’ve chosen.
If you’re in a relationship, it doesn’t matter how wonderful your partner is, your friendships will give you different things to them.
It’s great when you can think of your partner as your best friend, (if that’s you, I applaud you), but it’s too much pressure to make them your ONLY friend.
And if you’re single, your friendships will be more important than ever.
We all evolved to survive in small groups of close friends and family.
Humans are naturally a very social species.
And our tribe dictates our vibe.
Friendship is certainly one of the most important values in my life.
Here are some of the benefits of strong friendships:-
Physical health:-
Yes! Healthy relationships actually contribute to good physical health.
- You’re far more likely to stick with any diet or exercise plan if you buddy up with a friend.
- A good friend will look out for you if you’re behaviours are becoming too unhealthy – drinking too much etc.
- Friends push you out of your comfort zone and suggest things that you may never have thought of or tried before. A new food/exercise etc.
- Studies have shown having a close circle of friends can decrease your chances of having a heart attack, stroke or diabetes.
- Having strong social ties also decreases feelings of loneliness, which can add extra years onto your life. Good quality years. Centenarians living in the world’s blue zones often credit their longevity on their strong friendships.
- Social isolation and loneliness are linked to a variety of health issues such as high blood pressure, substance abuse, heart disease and even cancer.
- According to a recent review, people with strong relationships have half the risk of premature death from ALL causes.
Emotional health:-
- When you’re going through a rough time, having a strong, supportive friend you can lean on, can really help you through.
- If you’re feeling low, a happy or a funny friend can often lift you up again. Happiness is contagious. You are half as likely to suffer with depression if you have upbeat friends.
- Supportive friends help build your confidence and self-esteem because they offer praise and encouragement when you’re feeling wobbly. They’ll remind you of your good qualities.
- Their belief in you can have a huge impact on how much you love and appreciate yourself. Real friends celebrate and bask in your glory when life is going well.
- A good group of friends can create a feeling of safety and social inclusion. Caring for each other helps foster a collective purpose and a feeling of self-worth.
- If you’re feeling stressed, spending time with friends can really help. When we hang out with good friends our bodies are more relaxed and produce less cortisol (the stress chemical).
- Friends can be a good influence and push you to be your best. Surround yourself with the right kind of friends and you become more like them. (Be careful – the wrong kinds of friends can also influence you, so always choose wisely!)
Friendships take work like any relationship, but the benefits, as we’ve seen, are immense.
I joke that I have a friend for every occasion.
A funny friend, a good-to-talk-to friend, a mood-boosting friend, a deep-conversation/wise friend, a dancing friend, a good kick-up-the-bum friend etc…
As well as general socialising I can spend time with the friend who I need, or who needs me the most.
There are many different components to make up a friendship, but if someone is loyal, genuinely has your back when you need them, and shares some of your hobbies or interests, then I would say that’s a friend.
It can take around 20 hours of shared time for an acquaintance to become a good friend.
When you meet someone you really like, or have things in common with stick with it and get through the awkward stage, even if it feels uncomfortable – you’ll soon be rewarded with the comfortable, trust stage.
Making the effort to move a relationship out of the original environment where it was created can make it into a friendship, i.e. meeting a work colleague for coffee away from the office.
There’s no right number of friends to have, but research says most people have between 3 and 5 close friends.
I would go for quality over quantity any day of the week.
Even 1 or 2 TRUE friends will add to your life significantly.
The older we get the more our friendships can mean to us, especially if we’re widowed, divorced or alone.
Luckily we can make new friends at any age.
If you want to expand your friendship circle then here are a few tips:-
- Be yourself – be your true, genuine, authentic self. People can tell when we’re not being congruent. That won’t impress anyone.
- Have some interests – interests make you interesting. What are you doing when you’re feeling your absolute best? Pursue your passions and friends will often follow.
- Put yourself out there – don’t stay home all the time. Say yes to every invitation, even if it doesn’t seem like your cup of tea particularly. Let your existing friends know you’re available for socialising. Mix with their friends. Reach out to old friends you liked but lost touch with.
- Smile and say hello to every new person you meet at events etc. – If people are friendly to you say Hi I’m (your name) what’s your name? Don’t be too shy to go first.
- Volunteer at something you care about – helping a cause is a great way to meet new people.
When a friend is adding to your life in any way, make sure that you take the time to value and appreciate them.
They’re gold.
To have a good friend, you have to be a good friend 🙂
Much Love
Christina xx