Have you got low self-esteem?

Low self-esteem can reduce the quality of your life in so many different ways. Constant self-criticism can lead to feelings of sadness, depression, anxiety, anger, shame or guilt. Relationship problems – you may feel unlovable so tolerate all sorts of unreasonable behaviour from partners. Alternatively, you may feel angry and bully other people.

 

Fear of trying or conversely perfectionism – you may push yourself and become an over-achiever to ‘atone’ for what you see as inferiority. Low resilience – you find it hard to cope with a challenging life event because you already believe you are ‘hopeless’. Lack of self-care – you care so little that you neglect or abuse yourself, for example, drink too much alcohol, take illegal drugs or have an eating disorder. Take my quiz to see if you have low self-esteem…

QUIZ

 

Do you ever…

 

  • Think of yourself as the odd one out, different or unworthy of love for some reason?
  • Have a negative voice in your head that is really mean and constantly compares you unfavourably to your idea of the perfect person?
  • Feel full of self-doubt, self-sabotage, and self-criticism that keeps you small?
  • Feel drained and empty because you give so much to others or to your work/business but nothing to yourself?
  • Feel that you’re more sensitive than other people?
  • Find it impossible to say no but then find yourself feeling resentful and bitter?
  • Struggle to like yourself deep down?
  • Feel stuck in a cycle of self-hatred which causes you to engage in destructive habits, which leads to more self-hatred, and so on and so on?
  • Lack self confidence and doubt yourself in lots of situations?
  • Have impossibly high standards for yourself. You have to be perfect or you’re not worthwhile?
  • Feel like your life is in black and white, flat, unfulfilled and dull. You feel invisible?
  • Feel as if you are flawed in some way, too different or just not as good as other people?
  • Put others first and yourself last – you’re a people pleaser?
  • Get taken for granted on a regular basis?
  • Have imposter syndrome at work and often feel out of your depth or not as experienced or knowledgeable as everyone else when clearly you are?
  • Think you’re not good enough for a promotion or pay rise, so you settle in a menial job that’s beneath you?
  • Feel empty or hollow inside? You’ve “made it” by anyone’s standards but you still feel unfulfilled and unhappy. You maybe drink too much or overeat or take drugs to fill this empty feeling inside?
  • Find it hard to be assertive and speak or stand up for yourself?
  • Worry more about what other people think of you than you do?
  • Date or stay in relationships with partners who are clearly not good enough for you?

 

  • Sleep around with inappropriate people just to get some attention or affection?
  • Not date at all? Thinking what’s the point, no-one will ever want me anyway?
  • Feel like you’re in the wrong or in trouble, even when you haven’t done anything wrong?
  • Find yourself always needing to do the “right thing”. Even if it’s not the right thing for you?
  • Apologise when you’re not wrong just to ease a situation?
  • Withdraw strongly from any kind of conflict or confrontation?
  • Have little or no boundaries so people often walk all over you?
  • Give far more than you get back?
  • Put up with lots of excuses or bad behaviour from others and never get angry?
  • Struggle to make your own decision or choices?
  • Just feel like you’re somehow second best or not enough. Not slim enough, not clever enough, not rich enough, not attractive enough, not….enough?

 

Then you do have low self-esteem. And if you do 10 or more of these things, then you’re more than likely a people-pleaser too.

 

ME TOO! OR AT LEAST I USED TO BE…

 

“Until you heal the wounds of your past

You are going to bleed. You can bandage

the bleeding with food.

With alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex,

but eventually it will all ooze through and stain your life.

You must find the strength to open the wounds stick your hands inside,

pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories and make peace with them”

 

Iyanla Vanzant

 

The way to move on from this is to heal the core wounds of your past and to start to tell yourself a different story. Most of us have been hurt at some time in our early years – damaged, but we sweep it all under the carpet. We find ways to move past it on the surface, to distract ourselves or ignore it, but this doesn’t resolve those issues deep within us.

 

Any wound, no matter how traumatic, can be healed. But you don’t heal by suppressing, you heal by releasing. Transformation comes from letting go.

 

And unless you pull up the entire root the weeds will grow again in your life.

 

We must clear the poison and the ooze out of the wounds once and for all so the wounds can heal. Once we’ve undergone an emotional detox everything starts to change.