A friend and I had a trip to Hull Fair this week.
It’s the largest travelling fair in Europe, and one of the oldest.
The first charter granting permission for the fair to be held was granted in 1278!
My inner child had a whale of a time, with all the sights, sounds, smells and rides….
It brought back lots of memories for me.
Memories of when my own children were small, but also, when I was a child.
We used to have a tiny travelling fair that came to my hometown twice a year.
I can still remember approaching the fair as a little girl, holding my Dad’s hand.
I would literally skip and wriggle with excitement.
It makes me smile to think of giddy, little excited me.
We ALL have an inner child.
The younger version of ourselves, who still lives inside us.
Our life is a patchwork quilt of all the different developmental stages that we’ve passed through.
Despite what you may believe, our childhood events still affect how we think, feel and act as adults.
Even if they happened decades ago.
Unfortunately, not everyone had a playful, carefree, loving childhood.
If there was trauma, neglect or any kind of emotional pain, our inner child could be wounded – still feeling small, vulnerable and in need of protection.
We may have buried this emotional pain deep inside, to protect ourselves.
Hidden emotional pain never heals.
Our physical self can grow with very little involvement from us (as long as we have adequate food and shelter.)
Our mental self too (school and work usually keep us learning.)
But our emotional self needs our help.
If our inner child experienced difficulties that they couldn’t deal with/heal, then they may have become emotionally stunted at that younger age.
So we may be 45 in physical years, but we’re only 4 or 5 emotionally.
This will most definitely impact how we interact with others as an adult.
So how do you know if your inner child needs healing?
Here are some common symptoms of a wounded inner child:
- You feel too scared to be totally open with people.
- You have difficulty showing them the real you.
- You are reactive: you instantly respond to others defensively, rather than fully understanding what you’re feeling. For example, feeling hurt or scared comes out as anger.
- No matter how much effort you put into controlling your life, you still feel out of control deep down.
- You struggle to make well-balanced decisions.
- You have difficulty managing negative thoughts or beliefs about yourself.
- You go into hiding rather than risk further rejection or pain.
Our inner child is our true self, it’s our essence, it’s who we are in the absence of any fear.
When we continue to carry fear, we hide ourselves behind a mask.
This prevents others from getting to know who we truly are.
It prevents them from getting close to us.
This can cause us to feel frustrated that people don’t seem to understand who we know, deep down inside, we really are.
It’s a vicious circle.
The good news is, there are steps we can take to overcome a wounded inner child.
This can lead us to a much more positive, genuine life with others.
Healing includes:-
- Developing a strong positive inner voice, rather than a critical one, that only perpetuates the self-abuse.
- Learning how to accurately identify and express the feelings we are experiencing.
- Learning what our needs are (inside and outside of relationships).
- Becoming confident in asking for those needs to be met.
We can learn how to love and nurture our inner child so he/she can come out of hiding and feel more confident being around others, without the mask.
When our inner child is loved by us, we can love others, without fear.
We can take healthy risks, be genuine, reconnect with the interests that enrich our lives, and be more confident.
I use a lot of inner child healing when I work one-to-one with clients.
It’s a beautiful process.
The first step to healing our inner child is just to acknowledge that we actually have one.
This may seem a bit weird or “out there.”
But don’t worry.
Just be open-minded.
Go back into your childhood memory banks.
Look back at old photographs, if that helps.
Remember what little you looked like.
Were you small or tall?
Fair or dark?
Chatty and outgoing or quiet and shy?
Once you have these memories in your mind, start to reminisce about some of your more positive childhood experiences.
Receiving a favourite toy, a birthday party, a holiday or event that meant a lot to you.
Then start to go back to some experiences that hurt you or caused you pain.
Bringing these hurts into the light can begin to illuminate their impact on your life.
Did you feel rejected or abandoned, not shown enough love and/or validation?
Did you feel insecure/vulnerable/not good enough?
Did you feel shame or guilt?
Were you an anxious child?
Do you still experience some of these same feelings now in adulthood?
Do they come out in your current relationships?
Linking these feelings from our childhood with current life events can give us some serious light bulb moments.
It can highlight some things which now make complete sense.
Start to journal as your inner child.
Set aside your adult self and just free-write – don’t think about it too much.
Just allow whatever comes out to come out. Don’t judge it in any way.
Identify the painful events and emotions you experienced as a child.
The time when you were 5 and fell off your bike and just needed a cuddle, but you didn’t get one.
The time when you were 6 and you got unjustly punished for something your sister did.
The time when you were 7 and had a star role in your school play but nobody came to see you because they were all working.
The time when you were 8 and so proud of yourself for achieving something, but nobody validated it for you.
And so on and so on….
Remember as many times as you can, when you had needs that weren’t met.
When you needed love, recognition, praise or any other type of emotional support and didn’t get it.
The times when your parents or caregivers let you down.
When you have your list, close your eyes and imagine reaching back through time and giving little you a cuddle.
Giving little you the love, praise and validation you needed as a child.
Go back through each scenario and parent your inner child.
We all have a loving parent inside us, even if we’re not an actual parent.
Nurture your inner child…validate their needs…reassure them that you love them and they ARE good enough.
Teach them that it’s ok to be vulnerable.
To express their emotions in a healthy way.
Increase your self-love and self-compassion.
Repeatedly send love and reassurance to the younger versions of you.
Nobody knows what comfort little you needs more than you do.
Our inner child is a symbol of youthful dreams and playfulness.
Playfulness and fun are both essential components of good mental and emotional health.
So go and be playful and have some fun.
Get your giggle on, just like I did at the fair!
If your inner child lacked positive experiences then find some positive experiences now as an adult.
If your inner child lacked love and attention, then shower yourself with self-love and let other friends, family and important people love you too.
Allow it ALL in.
Allow it to heal those scars left from your childhood.
Push yourself out there and make some new friends.
If you’re single, consider online dating and go on some fun dates.
If you loved ice cream as a child, but weren’t allowed it, go and indulge yourself now, just don’t go too mad!
Once you start this process, your inner child will give you more and more experiences to heal.
It’s never too late to heal a wounded childhood.
If this is very painful for you, or feels too difficult to get your head around, then get in touch.
Let me help you.
Much Love
Christina xx