Do you use the “F” word a lot?
I attended a Women in Business lunch and learn session this week.
It was all about PR.
My friend is a very seasoned journalist, TV reporter and PR expert and she was giving a talk on it.
PR is all about getting publicity for your business on TV, radio and/or in newspapers and magazines.
There were about 20 ladies attending the lunch, and at some point, every one of them used the “F” word!
Shocking you might think.
But I’m probably not thinking of the same naughty four letter word that you are.
My naughty “F” word is FEAR.
FEAR– everyone’s favourite emotion (NOT)!
All of the women were high achieving, very successful, and predominantly at the top of their respective fields.
They didn’t appear to lack any confidence in their abilities.
But when it came to talking about their expertise on TV, radio or in the press, most of them baulked.
Their Fear got the better of them.
Why does this happen?
Because Fear will do everything in its power to prevent us from doing something, in order to keep us “safe.”
It wants to keep us firmly rooted in the status quo, in the familiar; it wants to paralyse us into NOT taking action.
It DOES NOT want us trying ANYTHING that it perceives as remotely risky.
Anything that puts us in the “danger zone.”
When we think about stepping out of our comfort zone and doing something new or big or different, Fear will tell our adrenal glands to give us a shot of adrenaline and cortisol (the fight-or-flight chemicals).
This will make our heart-rate increase, our breath shallow, our mouth dry and our bodies sweat (or conversely go very cold).
We might start to tremble or shake, and often, we’ll need the loo…urgently.
Fear is an emotional response but it causes a very physical reaction.
The bigger the perceived “danger”, the bigger the reaction.
It wants us to reconsider our course of action.
And it wants it very badly…so it brings out the big guns.
Interestingly, excitement generates the exact same chemicals in our bodies, but because we’re happy at the time, we recognise them differently.
There are many different acronyms for Fear.
False Evidence Appearing Real.
Fantasised Experience Appearing Real.
Fear Encourages Abandoning Reality.
And my personal favourite…
Face Everything And Recover 🙂
What can we do about this if we want to try new things?
Things that we’ve never done before, that might challenge us?
Well, acknowledging that the Fear will always be there is a great start.
The multi-award winning veteran actress Dame Judy Dench, says this about Fear…
“I’m always fearful; fear generates in you a huge energy. You can use it. When I feel that mounting fear, I think, Oh yes, there it is! It’s like petrol”
If we wait for the Fear to go away, we’ll never do anything.
Whenever I’m asked to do something new or big, work-wise, that I haven’t done before, I always say yes straight away.
If I think about it for too long, I know there’s a chance I’ll talk myself out of it.
So I don’t.
I say yes, and then I switch my head off, immediately.
Then when I know the time is approaching for me to do this scary new thing I EXPECT the Fear.
I KNOW it will be there.
And this will NEVER end.
Every new level we ever go to, the Fear will ALWAYS show up.
That’s where that old, well-worn adage comes in – Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway.
It’s an oldie, but a goodie.
If I make friends with the Fear and accept it will always be there, it’s a lot easier to get on with said new thing.
Like Dame Judy’s petrol – I try to let the Fear fuel me.
I tell myself it’s not going to kill me, it’s just a few body chemicals.
I know nothing terrible is likely to happen.
I know in her own little misguided way, Fear’s just TRYING to look after me and keep me safe.
I’m not saying it’s been easy to get to this stage; I’ve really had to power through.
I did it, because I refuse to live a life half-lived, where I’m paralysed by irrational (99% of the time) Fear that stops me doing things I really want to do.
The way I did it, was to think of whatever it was I wanted to do as a car journey.
I would INVITE Fear to do the trip with me. (She was going to come anyway).
I insist on driving, not Fear.
Fear has to sit in the passenger seat.
I know she’s there, but I’m in charge of the wheel.
As my confidence has grown, I’ve tamed Fear and demoted her.
She’s had to move from the passenger seat…to the back seat…and then the boot.
Now Fear has to go on the roof-rack.
Sometimes, I actually manage to shake her off altogether.
I interpret those familiar chemicals as excitement now, more than Fear.
These new experiences are things I WANT to do. I know they’ll grow me as a person.
I know they’ll expand me or my knowledge or expertise or experience in some way.
I understand that even “bad” events or failures will still grow me. (Especially grow me.)
So I can’t lose.
When I expand and grow, I help my clients do the same.
Is fear paralysing you?
Is it holding you back in life, love or business?
Is it slowing down your access to your dream-life?
Is it stopping your from expressing your gifts, passions and talents with the world?
The world needs those gifts more than ever right now.
What will happen if you never overcome this?
What will happen if you never make a change?
What will happen if you let the Fear win?
I’ll tell you.
You’ll never live a passionate, happy, fulfilling life.
You’ll probably live a dull, half-life, full of regret.
(Sorry – tough love moment).
Consider how amazing it would feel to overcome this?
If you could manage to bypass Fear and tap into your courage…so that you could give the world the very best of you?
How would it feel to go to bed at night, full of peace of mind, contentment and pride, knowing that you’re living your life as the very fullest, happiest, most confident expression of yourself?
It would feel marvellous.
And it’s completely possible for you.
Let me help you step into your passion and your power.
It’s time to leave Fear hanging off the roof-rack so you can let your light shine bright.
Much Love
Christina xx