The world is made up of opposites.
Up and down.
In and out.
On and off.
Black and white.
Opposites keep the world balanced.
They keep things in harmony.
Light and shade is another example of this.
I use the word shade rather than dark as dark can have negative connotations and I don’t want that for this situation.
A little shade can actually be a very positive thing.
For example, on a really hot sunny day (like we experienced this summer) we are usually very grateful for some shade.
Or, if we’re just waking up and someone opens the blinds suddenly, it can be too bright; we need some shade until our sleepy eyes can acclimatise.
Shade is the thing that balances out too much light.
People can embody light and shade too.
If you imagine a spectrum going from complete shade at one end, to complete light at the other, we all fall somewhere on that spectrum.
A person who has a lot of light is positive, optimistic, warm, open and friendly.
They look on the bright side of life and mainly see the good in everyone and everything.
A person who has a lot of shade is negative, pessimistic, closed, detached and keeps themselves to themselves.
They very rarely look on the bright side and can be quite defensive and cynical about everyone and everything.
If I were to generalise, I could say that my Lovely clients are usually full of light and my Lonely clients are usually full of shade.
On the face of it, it looks as if my Lovelies are happier and mentally healthier than my Lonelies.
But that isn’t necessarily the case.
So often my Lovelies have TOO much light.
Now don’t get me wrong, light is a really wonderful thing.
It’s VERY important to both have light and to shine that light, but NOT at our own expense.
Lovelies are often far too nice for their own good.
(I know this only too well, because this was me for so much of my life.)
They are positive, warm and friendly BUT often their strengths can tip into weaknesses.
They’re so giving, that they often get taken for granted and walked all over.
This is because they have little or no boundaries.
They find it impossible to say no and end up very unhappy and resentful because of it.
What they need to balance this out and protect themselves is a little more shade.
They need to move down from the far light end of the spectrum, more towards the mid-light.
My Lonelies, on the other hand, are my Lonelies, because despite their success, they’re lonely (never!)
They’re lonely because they have TOO much shade.
They’re far too defensive for their own good.
They ONLY have boundaries.
They’re too negative and closed and don’t give other people a chance.
They barely trust anybody, so end up not really close to anyone.
They crave deep connections, but don’t know how to get them.
What they need is more light.
They need to move from the shade end of the spectrum more towards the middle.
When it comes to light and shade, it’s very important for us all to have both.
We need a perfect blend of the two if we’re to be completely balanced.
Why do some of us have too much light and some of us have too much shade?
Well, we are who we are because of a combination of our inherent nature and our childhood/earlier experiences.
Nobody chooses to be so boundary-less that they’re constantly taken advantage of, or so defensive that they push everyone away.
These are all just ways we have taken on to cope in life.
Nobody taught us to be any different.
We’re doing our best with what we’ve been given/experienced.
I have practiced the Chinese martial art of Tai Chi for many years.
Tai Chi is the gentlest of all the martial arts, but still very powerful.
The aim of Tai Chi is to find perfect balance in mind, body and soul.
I think of it as moving meditation, and it makes me feel wonderful.
Tai Chi is often represented by the yin yang symbol.
This is the symbol in our image.
It depicts a circle with a perfect blending of light and dark.
Yin yang is the same principle as my light and shade example, there’s just a little more to it.
Yin is characterised as slow, soft, yielding, cold, wet and passive.
It’s associated with water, earth, the moon and feminine energy.
Yang is characterised as fast, hard, solid, focused, hot, dry and active.
It’s associated with fire, air, the sun and masculine energy.
In traditional Chinese medicine (the Chinese most definitely know what they’re talking about) good health is directly related to the balance between yin and yang energies within ourselves.
If our yin or yang becomes unbalanced (i.e. one of the energies is deficient) we become unbalanced.
We all have a mixture of masculine and feminine energy, irrespective of our gender.
Feminine energy isn’t to do with whether you wear lipstick and pretty dresses.
It’s embodying the energy of BEing, of self-love, compassion, intuition and flow.
Masculine energy isn’t to do with how big your muscles are.
It’s embodying the energy of DOing, of logic, assertiveness, courage and action.
In order to be our most rounded selves we need interplay between both our masculine and feminine energies.
The most evolved individuals can move seamlessly between the two.
Women need to embody more of their masculine energy at times, and men need to embody more of their feminine.
This is a hard concept for some people to get their head around.
I am a naturally light/yin/feminine energy woman.
Growing up and for the first part of my adult life I had a distinct lack of ANY shade/yang/masculine energy.
I was well and truly in Lovely people-pleaser territory and very unfulfilled because of it.
It took me a long time to accept that if I only ever stayed at the light end of the spectrum I was always going to be unhappy.
I was unbalanced.
It wasn’t until I learned to embrace more shade and moved more towards the middle of the spectrum, that I finally managed to balance myself up.
Since then, I’ve never looked back…
I very clearly see clients light or shade as soon as I meet them.
I know they need a little more of this, or a little more of that if they’re going to find happiness and fulfilment.
I sometimes smile to myself and wish I could just get some kind of magic chemistry set out to balance things up for them.
One of those sliders that you get to darken or lighten photographs.
Sadly life doesn’t work like that.
But that doesn’t mean we can’t still make the necessary changes.
Have a think about this concept.
How much light/shade do you have?
Do you need a bit more yin or a bit more yang?
Do you spend too much time in your feminine energy when it’s really your masculine energy you need in that moment?
Or vice versa?
There are lots of tweaks you can make by yourself, but if you’d like my help, just reach out.
I can help you to tweak your dials.
Once you’re fully balanced, your self-esteem skyrockets.
That’s when every area of your life improves.
Who doesn’t want a little bit more of that?
Why not make 2023 the year that you finally find your balance and happiness?
Start now and get a head start.
It’s time.
Much Love
Christina xx