It’s Valentine’s Day this week, the day on which prospective lovers express their Love for each other, by sending cards and gifts, often anonymously.
This tradition began in the middle ages when prospective lovers began exchanging Love notes.
St Valentine was a Roman Saint who was commemorated in western Christianity on February 14th.
Rumour has it he believed that because birds paired to mate in mid-February lovers should too.
After Christmas, Valentine’s Day is the most popular card-sending day of the year.
Why is this?
Because we’re ALL hard-wired to want connection.
Most of us long for Love.
The right kind of Love.
True, deep, honest, heart-felt, reciprocated, healthy Love.
It’s our relationships that give our life meaning, stir our emotions more deeply than anything else and give us the warm fuzzies that mean the world to us.
They make us feel supported and cared for when we are struggling, and help us to thrive in all the other areas of our life.
Great Love can lead you to the life of your dreams.
So how do we achieve this great Love?
By falling in Love with ourselves first.
Sounds corny I know, but it’s true.
We cannot connect with others PROPERLY if we’re not connected to ourselves first.
We often look for a connection so that we can feel whole…so that we can experience self-Love.
We look for connections to fill our emotional holes and make us feel complete.
But most of us have got this all the wrong way round.
Have you ever seen a piece of Swiss cheese – maybe Emmental or Gruyere?
It’s full of holes.
The Swiss cheese-makers Love the holes, they call them ‘eyes’.
Most people I meet today are like Swiss cheese – they’re full of holes – emotional ones.
This is exactly how I used to be.
Although I was blessed with great parenting (my low self-esteem was from other sources) I had a lot of holes that needed closing.
Therapy, coaching and personal development did this for me.
They saved me – by enabling me to close all of my emotional holes.
I work with clients every day that know they have issues, but they just don’t know how to heal them.
Their issues (holes) make them feel empty, lonely, insecure, wobbly, not enough, anxious…
Often they try to fill their emotional holes with food, alcohol, drugs, shopping, casual sex, any number of unhealthy things.
Instead of closing their holes, they create MORE holes… and then they feel even worse.
When we have holes, we’re like walking wounded that’s still bleeding.
The holes may have occurred in our childhood, teens or early years.
These early wounds (holes) can cause us to become emotionally stunted.
When we’re emotionally stunted we feel insecure, anxious and/or immature, so we can’t Love freely.
We have to control everyone and everything in order to feel safe.
This means that we can inadvertently push away a healthy partner.
Conversely, it can make us choose an unhealthy partner who mirrors our holes and treats us badly – this causes us more holes.
Sometimes it can cause us to want to control our pain to such an extent that we numb our feelings altogether.
But when we’re numbing our feelings we can’t fully enjoy life.
We can’t learn, grow or gain anything.
None of these can ever lead to REAL Love.
In order to experience REAL Love, we MUST close our holes.
Unfortunately, I believe this is almost impossible to do on our own.
If most people knew how, they would have done it by now.
It’s often impossible to see our own blind-spots and holes…or to know what to do with them.
First, you have to become aware that you have them, then you have to be willing to find the right guide/support and do the work.
It doesn’t matter how many wounds/holes you have, or how long you’ve had them – if you’re committed to your growth and healing it’s possible to heal them and then thrive…
In Love and in every other area of our lives too.
Do most people do this?
No, sadly they don’t.
They just go through life accumulating more holes, and feeling even more empty, lonely, insecure, wobbly and not enough…
They might be doing their best to disguise these feelings, but they’re there.
Are you going to be different?
To close your holes once-and-for-all you need to make that decision, set a strong intention, then take a leap of faith.
I promise you, you’ll never look back.
With the right guide, holding your hand every step of the way, you’ll speed up this process exponentially.
Loving yourself first is ESSENTIAL.
If you’re looking for REAL Love this Valentine’s Day please keep the faith.
There are still lots of lovely people out there for you, once you’ve closed your holes.
Your past disappointments can be used as fuel.
They can teach you – give you all the insights and lessons that you need to learn.
They can highlight all the areas that you need to give attention to.
It’s possible to date for growth and think of each relationship you’ve had as a stepping stone.
Allow your past experiences to show you what you want and what you don’t want in your next relationship.
Eradicate doubt completely (its dog poo in your cookie dough, remember!) even a pinch spoils everything.
Each new relationship is a fresh start….a blank slate….a new beginning.
If you bring the bricks of your old relationship with you every time, you’ll keep building the same house.
I want more for you than that.
Become so self-aware that you know what you need and you won’t settle for anything less.
Learn to spot a Narcissist, Avoidant or Loser at a 100 paces so you can run in the other direction.
Don’t ignore the red flags.
This is your intuition speaking to you.
Nobody is perfect, but be on the lookout for those red flags and deal-breakers.
Wait for the green-light at every stage before you proceed further. I want you to be open-hearted but cautious.
Please, please, please don’t bury your head and carry on just to keep the peace.
This is what so many Lovelies do.
When you close your holes you’re not willing to settle in Love.
When you close your holes you realise and know that you’re the prize.
When you close your holes you’re not willing to be treated badly anywhere in your life.
When you close your holes you know that your needs are just as important as everyone else’s.
When you close your holes you become tasty and delicious – no matter what size, shape or age you are.
When you close your holes you’re happy and comfortable being assertive in all your communications.
When you close your holes THEN you’re able to find that true, deep, honest, heart-felt, reciprocated, healthy Love.
I’ve helped so many of my Lovelies to do this, why not let me help you?
Happy Valentine’s Day 🙂
Much Love
Christina xx
(Hole-closing Superstar) 🙂