(Warning: Although this blog starts off light and fluffy, it wanders into quite a dark place – so please be prepared).
I’ve just returned from a wonderful weekend in the Lake District with my girlfriends.
We’re a group of 5, who all went to the same high school in Lancashire.
We’ve been friends ever since.
We’re all very different, but somehow, it just works.
We meet 3 or 4 times a year for a good catch up and an adventure of some kind 🙂
The forecast said it was going to rain all weekend.
But luckily, it didn’t – not a drop!
So we made on by exploring the area and doing as much as we possibly could outdoors.
On Saturday we had a LONG walk; swam in a VERY cold, but VERY beautiful Bassenthwaite lake (see above – Wim Hof would have been proud) and then played cards outside our local pub for the evening.
Nothing earth-shattering, but lovely nonetheless.
There were no screens, no phones, no work, and definitely no make up 🙂
Just lots of fabulous food, drink, fresh air and friendship.
(Love in the Lakes was not a romantic encounter btw – it was the Keswick version of Sex on the Beach)!
As ever, after spending time together, I’ve returned feeling cleansed, refreshed and recharged.
The experience of just being together is so uplifting for all of us; it really doesn’t matter where we are.
For most of Saturday evening we were playing chase the Ace and Pontoon.
In chase the Ace you’re trying to avoid the Ace, but in Pontoon you’re trying to be dealt an Ace.
3 of the group now work in mental health, so as well as catching up and having a lot of fun; we also have some quite deep chats.
Somehow all the talk of Ace’s led to a conversation about mental health ACEs.
The 2 non-mental health girls weren’t aware of what these were.
So because of this, I’ve decided to share this information here.
I’ve got to be honest, this is quite heavy, but if you’re not aware either, I want you to have the opportunity to learn some more.
Awareness is everything, and I want you to be as aware as you can possibly be.
That’s what I’m here for.
ACE’s are Adverse Childhood Experiences.
An ACE score is a tally of the different types of abuse, neglect, or other adverse childhood experience.
A higher score indicates a higher risk of health problems (both mental AND physical) later in life.
To support this, a quiz has been devised.
The quiz consists of a series of 10 questions (see below) about common traumatic experiences that can occur in early life.
It’s a tool for raising awareness about their potential impact.
It’s not all encompassing – there could have been many other experiences that were traumatic for a child that the quiz doesn’t ask about.
And every child is different.
Just because a child experienced several ACEs doesn’t mean that physical or mental health problems are inevitable.
Some children do develop resilience.
Sadly others don’t.
Resilience is mental strength; it’s the ability to overcome serious hardship.
Genetic factors play a role here – some children are predisposed to be more sensitive to adversity than others.
The most common factor among children who show resilience is they have had at least one stable and responsive relationship with a supportive adult.
This is vitally important – that one stable adult can make ALL the difference to a troubled child, helping to strengthen and buffer them from the stress they’re experiencing.
Quiz
Please take a deep breath and prepare yourself before completing the quiz.
Add 1 point for each “yes” answer.
The total number of points at the end is your ACE score.
Before your 18th birthday:
- Did a parent or other adult in your household often or very often swear at you, insult you, put you down, humiliate you, or act in any way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt?
- Did a parent or other adult in your household often or very often push, grab, slap, throw something at you or hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured?
- Did an adult or person at least 5 years older than you ever touch, fondle or have you touch their body in a sexual way? This includes attempting or actually having oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you?
- Did you often or very often feel that no-one in your family loved you or thought you were important or special? Did you feel that your family didn’t look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each other?
- Did you often or very often feel that you didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, and had no one to protect you? Your parents were too drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the doctor if you needed it?
- Did your parents ever separate or did they divorce?
- Was your mother or stepmother often or very often pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had something thrown at her? Was she often or very often kicked, bitten, punched, or hit with something hard? Was she ever repeatedly hit over a few minutes or threatened with a gun or knife? (This would apply equally if it was your father or step-father).
- Did you live with someone who was a problem-drinker or alcoholic, or who used illegal drugs?
- Was any household member ever depressed or mentally ill, or did someone ever attempt or complete suicide?
- Did a household member ever go to prison?
It’s very possible a lot of you will have some kind of plus score.
I do myself, and so do all of my weekend companions.
Many of the clients I see with low self-esteem and other mental health issues also have a high ACE score.
Depression, addictions, many physical ailments, problems with relationships and even suicidal tendencies can all lead back to a high score from childhood.
The child has experienced trauma in their life that they’ve struggled to move on from.
I share the quiz with you, not to upset or trigger you, merely to shine a light on why you may have struggled with certain things in your life.
And, more importantly to reassure you that it’s never too late to overcome a difficult, abusive or neglectful childhood.
It really isn’t.
Burying your head and thinking you can ignore this, (while it’s clearly still impacting you), is not something I want for you.
If reading this quiz has disturbed or upset you in any way, then I urge you to work through it with someone…anyone.
It could be a trusted friend, relative, me or any other kind of therapist/counsellor.
I want you to be reassured that it’s completely possible to thrive in ALL areas of life despite a very high score.
But you might just need some help and guidance.
If you have the opportunity to help, support and be that stable person in a troubled child’s life, then please please do so.
You have no idea just how much your influence can build that child’s resilience and turn their life around.
Helping to heal them will also help to heal you.
It’s a win-win.
That’s it for this week.
If you need me, just reach out.
Much Love
Christina xx