I’ve always been a very positive person who generally looks on the bright side and sees the good in everything. I understand that this positive, Pollyanna thinking can be very irritating if you’re a pessimistic person, but it’s served me well.
When I became a therapist/coach this trait translated as me always being able to find the goodness (or worth) in my clients.
Most people are GOOD worthwhile people. I’m not saying that they necessarily see themselves as BAD people, but they think that they are wrong or different or flawed or less than in some way… and they’re not. They’re just GOOD people with BAD thinking.
When I work with clients I go right back through their life to their earliest childhood memories. Sometimes I hypnotise them and we can go back even further. The reason for this is the answers and AHAs are often buried in their early years.
The goodness/worth is ALWAYS there; it’s just sometimes hidden under extreme pain, trauma, coping mechanisms and misguided thinking or behaviours.
Sometimes there’s SOOOO much goodness but my client can’t see it at all.
I’ve worked with people who have felt totally worthless, useless or bad, people who’ve killed, sold drugs, taken lots of drugs, been to prison, hurt themselves and/or other people mentally, physically and emotionally, but I’ve still found some goodness/worth in them.
These are quite extreme examples but this plays out in most of us in some form or another.
We just can’t see our own light.
Some of my clients have had okay parenting, some not ideal and some downright horrendous parenting and this is where it generally starts. Sometimes it’s not your parents, its society or another influential figure like a teacher or priest that makes you feel that you’re bad or wrong in some way. Remember children ALWAYS think the grownups are right because we are DESPERATE not to be cast out of the tribe.
We’re told who WE are based on THEIR opinions and through their filters. Even if it was accurate at the time, (which it probably wasn’t) it’s out-outdated now.
Consciously we know this information is wrong or out-dated, but subconsciously we still believe every word.
If your goodness, light or special gifts were never expressed to you, then you don’t often believe they exist. If you’re told that you’re bad, evil or wrong enough times you start to believe it and you often become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
When someone (truthfully) sees something good in you and can highlight it, you start to see the good in you. Once you can see your worth, you can build on it and start to turn your beliefs/life around.
In my experience the more genuine goodness I’ve seen in a client the better the result we’ve achieved. Tell someone how good they are often enough and they eventually start to believe you.
Once they believe you the transformation begins.
When you leave these faulty childhood beliefs behind, YOU decide who you really are.
When you are solid in your worthiness you can do anything, because no other human being can ever take that away from you.
That’s ultimate freedom.
So a quick analogy to end on.
If I were to put you in a fully stocked warehouse in total darkness and asked you to navigate your way to the exit on the other side, you would more than likely find it very stressful, maybe even scary. You wouldn’t know which direction to go in. You would bump into boxes and obstacles in an attempt to feel your way through. It would be hard or even impossible to get to the other side.
BUT
If I put you in that same warehouse and I switch the light on for you, it’s easy for you to navigate your way through. You simply pick a path through easily and you get to the other side avoiding all bumps and obstacles. It’s simple, easy and stress- free.
Let me switch the light on for you so that you can come out the other side better than ever.
If X-Ray vision is my super power. What’s yours? It’s time to find out and put it to good use. The world needs what you have to offer.
Much love
Christina xx