What a disgusting title for a blog…
Yep…and I chose an equally unpleasant image too!
Although the little dog is very cute.
Poo parcels???
I’ll explain.
When my son was about 6 he came home from school very upset one day. Another boy in his class had been giving him a hard time.
My son is a definite Lovely (he’ll kill me for saying that) but it’s true. He’s always been a very pleasant, very amiable “good” boy who generally gets on really well with everyone.
He couldn’t understand why this boy was calling him names, excluding him from games at play time and generally being really unpleasant.
When he told me who the boy was, it made a bit more sense. The boy was from a family that were having some difficulties at the time. I knew this from the school gates “gossip” that went on. We lived in a small village where everyone generally knew everyone else’s business.
I explained to my son, that nobody who is happy ever picks on anyone. It just doesn’t occur to them. So if anyone is picking on someone it’s generally because they’re very UNHAPPY.
Bullies are ALWAYS unhappy, that’s why they bully.
Maybe they’re struggling at home – being picked on or even abused by a father/step-father or older sibling?
Maybe they’re struggling in class and feel too embarrassed to speak up about it.
Maybe they’re feeling left out and finding it hard to make friends/find playmates.
For whatever reason, they have a bad feeling inside that they don’t want to have. They want to get rid of it in any way they can.
I was trying to explain to my 6 year old son (in very basic terms) the concept of projection.
That’s where poo parcels come in (the little bag of poo that dog walkers have to carry around until they can find a bin).
I said to him…
“Imagine that this little boy is really unhappy and sees that you’re not unhappy at all. His unhappiness is like a poo parcel that he has to carry around all the time. He sees that you don’t have a poo parcel so he wants to give his to you.
You don’t ever take anyone else’s poo parcel. It’s not yours, it’s theirs.
Or if you absolutely have no choice, then you take it, but you put it straight in the bin. It’s absolutely not your poo to deal with”.
My son got the idea and was never bothered by the other boy again. He got a very clear idea in his head of what projection was. Eventually, he befriended the boy because he felt sorry for him.
So many people nowadays struggle with worrying about what other people think of them. They fret excessively about other people’s judgements, criticisms and opinions.
Now I’m not saying people can’t critique or give constructive criticism – we should actively welcome this – but so often, people are not giving advice from a well-intended place, they are projecting their own un-dealt with stuff.
They are giving you their poo parcel!
Think about it.
Are they well-intended or are they really just being that mean child (in an adult body) that’s picking on you in the playground because they’re unhappy?
It’s so true, that no-one who is happy ever picks on or projects onto anyone. It just doesn’t occur to them. They might give you advice or help, but it will always be positive or with the very best of intentions.
If someone is being harsh or overly critical or mean they are usually trying to give you their poo parcel.
And I’ll give you the same advice I gave my 6 year old – don’t take it – see it for what it is, and walk the other way.
If you absolutely have to take it (because the person is a close friend or family member) you take it and put it straight in the bin.
No analysing, no taking it all on board, no trying to help them (if they’re being mean, they don’t usually want your help anyway) just put it straight in the bin and get on with your day.
Bullies, trolls and toxic “friends” and family members are all deeply unhappy.
So many comments are just projection and jealousy. If they see that you don’t have a poo parcel, when they do, it triggers them in the worst possible way.
I see this so often when I’m working with clients. They tell me what a so-called good friend or relative (families are often the worst) have said and it’s so obvious to me that it’s that person’s stuff being projected. What they’re saying says far more about them than it ever does about my client.
They’re left baffled and feeling terrible because they’ve now got this poo parcel they don’t know what to do with.
Say NO to poo parcels – we’ve all got our own stuff to deal with. We don’t want someone else’s stuff too.
I always say to clients “here, give them one of my business cards – they need my help more than you do!”
Fine tune your radar so that you can see this really clearly for what it is.
When someone is giving you a hard time that you really don’t think you deserve think about poo parcels and walk away.
I promise to have a nicer topic for you next week.
Much Love
Christina xx