I received the most beautiful bouquet of flowers this week from a client.
How wonderfully kind and generous of him 🙂
I receive a lot of gifts.
I don’t ask for gifts and I don’t expect gifts, but some clients are just so appreciative and grateful of the changes they’ve made whilst working with me, they go above and beyond what would ever be expected.
I am more than happy to just receive my fee and a nice thank you (after all, I get as much satisfaction out of seeing them bloom as they do).
But some clients just want to reciprocate.
I Love the word reciprocation.
I use it a lot…especially with my kind, giving Lovelies.
To reciprocate means: to give, get, do, or feel reciprocally, i.e. to interchange EQUALLY.
In other words, to return in kind, or to a similar degree or value as what is received.
I always think of reciprocation as being like children playing on a see-saw.
They each take it in turns to push the see-saw, so it all works perfectly.
They get into a lovely rhythm and flow.
These are the best kinds of friendships/relationships.
The ones where we both water each other so we grow equally 🙂
To keep things in harmony and balance we should always be roughly giving and receiving equally.
Equally means 50/50.
Not 80/20 or 90/10.
Or God forbid 100/0.
I so often say when we were taught to share as a child, we weren’t taught that it was all for you and none for me, we were taught one for you and one for me…because that’s what’s FAIR.
If one party is really struggling, then it may be necessary to give more for a while, but overall it should roughly balance out at 50/50.
I see time and time again in my therapy room that this just isn’t happening.
People-pleasers massively over-give.
Such is their need for approval and to be liked.
They give and give, but so often feel unhappy and resentful because they’re not returned the same courtesy.
Givers will give and takers will take.
This is an obvious statement, but sadly very true.
Takers LOVE over-givers.
How often do you give to others and they don’t reciprocate?
Now don’t get me wrong, I know we don’t give to receive.
We should give because we really want to (only from our overflow though).
Being generous and kind is a wonderful thing.
But if you’re constantly giving and not getting much in return, then you need to start asking yourself some questions.
Reciprocation can apply to literally anything – Love, money, time, attention, favours, gifts, lifts and so on and so forth…
I’m not suggesting that you get your scorecard out and write everything down (yuck).
BUT…
Most things should FAIRLY equally balance out if the relationship is a healthy one.
Your Love/kindness/goodwill etc SHOULD be reciprocated.
(Even with your older children)!
If it’s not, you won’t feel good; you’ll feel icky and out of balance.
It will feel like an injustice.
I often get clients to do a life audit.
Who in your life is taking far more than they’re giving back?
This is not cold-hearted and mean.
It’s fair.
Especially if you’re already feeling put upon, resentful and taken for granted.
Something has to change.
The solution isn’t to be passive-aggressive (read my earlier blog on this here) or have a tantrum or big sulk.
The solution is to have an assertive conversation and/or to pull back your time/effort/Love/money etc until things have balanced out again.
Most reasonable people will accept this.
Perhaps they didn’t realise that they were giving so much less than you were.
If your person is angry or defensive with you pulling back/balancing things up, perhaps they don’t deserve a place in your life anymore?
Some relationships only thrive because one is giving everything while the other is gladly taking it.
Toxic people are just as poisonous to us as toxic substances.
It’s so important to eradicate the people, places or things that are draining our energy/happiness as much as possible.
If the toxic person is a family member or your boss and you can’t step away, limit the amount of time you spend with them as much as possible.
We only get one life (in this body anyway) don’t we deserve it to be a happy one?
Reciprocation doesn’t just apply to relationships.
It can apply to most things.
I Love to eat food that Loves me back by keeping me balanced and satisfied.
I Love to walk and exercise my body and my body Loves me back by keeping me healthy and vibrant.
I Love to visit places that Love me back by feeding my constant curiosity and wanderlust.
I Love to do hobbies and activities that Love me back by keeping me entertained and alive.
I Love to read books and watch videos that Love me back by educating me and teaching me new things.
Do you get the gist?
Clearly I don’t Love everything I have to do – cleaning – (imagine me pulling a face).
But luckily, I have a cleaner that Loves that.
I have eradicated as many things as possible from my life that don’t reciprocate my energy (or worse, drain my battery).
I have engineered my life now to ONLY have relationships, food, exercise, trips, hobbies and activities that I Love and give me back an equal(ish) amount.
This hasn’t happened over night, its taken years.
But by living consciously for a few years now, I have arrived where I’m at.
Could you start to do the same?
If your self-esteem is very low, you may believe you don’t deserve a life of reciprocation.
But why don’t you?
Are you a terrible person?
No – I very much doubt it.
Are you less deserving than anyone else?
No – I very much doubt that too.
Most of the Lovelies I meet deserve it MORE than anyone.
They’ve had a lifetime of giving and putting other people first.
They deserve to have that returned – not keep living on breadcrumbs!
Challenge those limiting beliefs that tell you you don’t deserve a great, fully reciprocated life…because you do.
With knobs on!
The longer clients work with me, the more they see that their lives have been completely out of balance.
They’ve been full of injustice.
They’ve been giving FAR more than they’ve ever been receiving.
To begin with it’s hard for many of them to receive at all.
It’s such an alien concept.
But as their self-esteem grows, things start to balance up nicely (like the see-saw).
Once their self-esteem is healthy, they don’t allow anyone to have a prominent role in their life who likes/Loves them less than they like/Love themselves.
This is a wonderful feeling 🙂
Gone is the resentment.
Gone is the injustice.
And gone is the unhappiness.
In its place is a life of balance and harmony.
It’s never too early or too late to make a change and achieve this.
I work with baby Lovelies (i.e. children under 10) and I work with senior Lovelies (i.e. people in their 70s) and everything in between.
I work with male Lovelies and I work with female Lovelies.
So that’s most of you covered 🙂
Are you ready to move on from a life of injustice and get the reciprocation you deserve?
Then get in touch today.
Much Love
Christina xx
P.S I’m finishing this blog then going dancing all afternoon 🙂 very little reflects happiness back to me more than dancing does. Look for the reciprocation my Lovelies and have a great week!