I’ve ALWAYS been a good girl.
But I haven’t always told the truth.
Yes, that’s right.
I’ve told lies.
Lots of them…and some of them were whoppers!
Shock horror!
But Christina, you always seem so straight and honest??
Well, yes I am.
NOWADAYS.
I’m completely honest…radically honest…I like to think refreshingly honest.
But I haven’t always been that way.
Do you want to hear some of the lies I’ve told in the past?
(To give you some context, I’ll tell you my lies first and then in brackets, what I was ACTUALLY thinking at the time).
“I’m fine” (No I’m not; I’m really unhappy/peed off/angry/aggrieved /let down by what you just did).
“Yes, that’s ok” (It’s most definitely not ok – it’s not fair at all).
“No, I don’t mind” (I really really do mind, I just can’t say that right now).
“Yes, your new haircut does suit you” (Actually it looks flipping awful, but I really don’t want to say that and hurt your feelings).
“No, your bum doesn’t look big in that” (God, please don’t wear that, your bum looks as big as a bus).
“It’s ok, I’m happy to work late. Don’t worry about the overtime” (I’m absolutely seething – everyone else has gone home, and I’m the last one here picking up the pieces – again).
“No, there’s no problem giving you a lift home” (What again? Its ten miles out of my way and you NEVER return the favour or offer any money or gifts).
“No, I don’t mind splitting the bill” (You’re such a cheapskate – you had 3 courses with wine and I had a salad and a soda water and you want me to split the bill)!!
“Of course I’m not upset” (I’m actually devastated and only just managing to fight back the tears).
Do you get the picture?
I haven’t ever told malicious lies.
Not ones that would hurt anybody else anyway.
No, my lies only ever hurt me.
Have you ever told any of these same lies?
You probably have, if you’re here reading this blog.
Nice people DO tell lies.
They tell lies because they can’t bear to hurt anyone’s feelings.
They tell lies because they don’t want to look mean or harsh.
They tell lies because they never want to rock the boat.
They tell lies because they don’t think their opinion really matters.
They’re all still lies though.
No matter how well-intentioned.
I used to lie to myself all the time too.
“You’re not as good as other people, because you’re covered in freckles and only 5 foot tall…”
“You’re a complete failure, because you didn’t finish your degree…”
“No-one will ever Love you enough to want to be with long term/marry you…”
And so on and so forth…
These lies carried on – day after day, week after week, year after year.
I was living my lies as if they were my truth.
And I completely lost the real me, because of it.
When I finally started to raise my crippling low self-esteem, it didn’t seem right to keep telling lies.
Every time I tripped out one of my usuals, it felt odd…incongruent in some way.
It didn’t sit right with who I was anymore.
I thought to myself, if someone doesn’t look their best, it’s actually much KINDER to say something.
Now someone else’s appearance is a complete matter of personal opinion.
But if they’re ASKING for your opinion you should give it.
HONESTLY.
But KINDLY.
And how can people ever know how you’re REALLY feeling if you never tell them?
That’s not being authentic at all.
It’s the opposite.
If you want authentic relationships you HAVE to be authentic yourself.
You have to say what’s in your heart…just don’t say it in a lashing out, hurtful way.
Do it in the nicest, calmest way you can, but still get your point across.
I used to (note the words used to here) be friends with a girl who was BRUTALLY honest.
She would shoot from the hip and make no bones about it.
She was critical about EVERYONE and EVERYTHING.
Her words could be like a dagger in your heart (for a sensitive type like me).
Her tongue could literally cut you to shreds.
My little hurt face would obviously irritate the hell out of her because she’d always say “What??? I was only being honest”.
She wasn’t just being honest, in my opinion, she was being a b****.
(I’ll let you guess my word here, or you can just make up your own) 🙂
I NEVER want to be honest like THAT!
Nowadays, when I’m unhappy, angry, peed off, feeling like there’s been an injustice, or I just don’t want to do something, I say so.
I may still say it very gently, but I say it.
And so can you.
Go on, be brave 🙂
I never tell lies anymore.
Not even little white ones.
I tell the truth.
About everything.
All the time.
If you ask my opinion, I’m going to give it to you.
With full transparency.
If you ask me does my bum look big in this (and it does) I’ll say I prefer you in your other outfit, (because it’s true…but it’s still kind).
I don’t say yes, you fat so-and-so, but I do let them know that I prefer them in something else.
Once of the best things about radical honesty is giving compliments.
When I give someone a compliment, I mean it…REALLY mean it…sincerely and genuinely, or I don’t say it.
I Love giving compliments.
If I SEE something good, I SAY something good.
I scatter that Love and goodness all over the place 🙂
Sometimes, I disarm people with my truth, because they’re not used to it.
They think I’m being insincere or just saying it because I have to.
This couldn’t be further from the truth (ha ha pun intended).
That would be unprofessional, unethical or just downright wrong of me.
I promised myself a long time ago, that I would never say anything that wasn’t true ever again.
I want my family, friends, loved ones and clients to know that I am radically honest.
That they can trust me and my word implicitly.
I’m never going to be too soft, fluffy or flaky ever again.
By being this way, I hope to encourage everyone else I come into contact with, to be the same.
If more people were radically honest about the way they were feeling, the world would be a better place in my opinion.
I’ve worked with lots of couples and families over the years (these are the worst for not saying what’s on their heart).
If they would just be completely honest with each other, they’d save a lot of pain, confusion and money (they wouldn’t need to be paying to see me)!
Now don’t get me wrong – we can’t all walk around with no filter at all.
That would be like toddlers in a playground.
But we can all walk around with an honest, KIND filter.
Observe yourself for the next few days and weeks.
How often do you tell lies?
Both to yourself and to others?
Resolve to notice this, then start to change your ways.
It’s an amazing feeling to only ever be fully transparent and honest.
It’s truly liberating, just like saying no (from last week’s blog).
I think of it as living cleanly.
Boosting your self-esteem certainly makes this a lot easier.
It’s a VIRTUOUS circle that feeds back into itself.
The more you’re radically honest, the more it boosts your self-esteem and the more you boost your self-esteem the more you’re able to be radically honest.
It’s a win-win all round.
Please give it a try.
That’s it for this week.
No more fibbing from now on ok 🙂
Much Love
Christina xx