Years ago when I was working in my earlier career someone said this to me.
At the time this person and I were competing for the same opportunity at work.
When it was announced that I’d got the role, he turned to me, looked me straight in the eye and said
“What did you expect, your life is just a bowl of cherries”, then he walked out.
It upset me at the time (I couldn’t bear any kind of disapproval, being the sensitive, people-pleaser that I was).
I’d only gone for the role because I was cattle-prodded into it by my boss.
It wasn’t a promotion, but it was a big step towards one.
This guy was getting divorced at the time and was really struggling financially, whereas I was married and settled with a comfortable lifestyle and no real money worries.
I felt guilty for my life going well, while his wasn’t.
It got me thinking – is my life just a bowl of cherries?
Do some people have lucky lives whilst others have unlucky ones?
Although I do still have a very positive life in the vast majority of areas I’ve also had a catalogue of bad things happen to me too.
When I was 6 my appendix burst and I nearly died. The doctors didn’t realise it was my appendix so cut me right down the middle to go in and have a look. My wound didn’t heal properly for a long time. Consequently I now have a very large, very obvious scar right across my stomach.
When I was 9 my parents divorced. The family home was sold. My brother went to live with my Dad and my sister and I went to live with my Mum. It was tough – family life was never the same again. Neither were the family finances, as my Dad lost his well paid job at the same time. We went from fairly comfortably off to barely having any money – for years.
When I was 18 I went to Spain on my first girl’s holiday. Whilst there, I had a holiday romance. After a few months of back and forth we decided we wanted to be together. Although we were both English we lived 120 miles apart. He already had a job…I was at University, so it was me who gave up my degree, my friends and my family and moved from one side of the country to the other to be with him. It was just after my 19th birthday. I can still see my Mum’s tear-stained face in the rear view mirror as I drove off with my little car packed to the rafters. It wasn’t easy adjusting to a new life without my friends or family and nothing familiar around me.
When I was 21 I was heavily bullied by a very toxic woman at work. I loved my job, but as soon as we met she took an instant dislike to me. She hated me. (This was my first real experience of narcissistic abuse). She was in a more senior position than me and had a lot of influence. She traumatised me for years, making my life a complete misery.
When I was 37 my Dad died. One day he was there, the next he was gone. His heart literally stopped while he was planning his day. He was 69. I found out whilst I was at work. What just started out as a normal day – my brother’s birthday, ended catastrophically. It was my first major loss and it hit me hard. The shock of someone dying suddenly only makes the grief worse.
When I was 40 I split from my husband (the holiday romance). We’d very much grown apart by this stage. I was a completely different woman to the girl I was when we first met 22 years before. I’d recently trained as a therapist and had found my dream career. He was threatened by how much being a therapist lit me up and forbade me to continue with it. Although he initially agreed to the divorce, as he was unhappy too, he changed his mind at the last minute, saying if I left him he would destroy me. I did leave him and he did his best to destroy me. (This was my second and worst experience of narcissistic abuse – co-parenting with a toxic narcissist is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do). These were my darkest years.
When I was 40+ I experienced unbelievable guilt for breaking up my children’s family home and for all of the turbulent years that followed with them in the middle. My in-laws never spoke to me ever again, despite having previously been in their lives for all those years.
When I was 41+ Life as a single mother with 2 small children wasn’t easy. I was still living away from my family with no support from my ex-husband or in laws at all, but I’d made my bed so I laid in it. Although I had 2 jobs, money was tight. I was now in the same position as my colleague from years before. There weren’t many cherries in my bowl at that time…
When I was 42 I started to feel increasingly unwell and was losing a lot of weight. Great you might think, but I wasn’t particularly overweight and the weight was literally dropping off me, no matter how much I ate. I eventually went to the doctor to get checked out and was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. I was completely blindsided. There was no history of diabetes in either side of my family. It seemed to come from nowhere. It took me a long time to get over the diagnosis.
When I was 43 my beloved Mum (my rock) was diagnosed with leukaemia. Although she battled for 2 years, the leukaemia eventually won. She was 71. Throughout everything, my Mum had been by my side. Not physically but 100% emotionally. Losing her has left such a void in my heart. I still ache for her wonderful love and support so much. I know I was very lucky to have had the parents I had.
When I was 44 a very close relative of mine let it be known that they were extremely unhappy with how I’d handled my Mums affairs after her death. This person let go of so much (a lifetime) of pent up toxic emotion about me and what they really thought of me and has refused to speak to, look at or be in the same room as me ever since. This has understandably caused a big ongoing divide in the family.
There have obviously been other things too along the way; broken romances, disappointments etc but these are my significant non-cherry incidents.
I know that some people have much worse lives than mine so why am I telling you all this?
- So you can get to know me a little better and
- So that I can show to you that NO MATTER what happens in your life you can still turn things around and be happy.
I’ve done so much personal development, therapy and coaching in my life and it’s this that has enabled me to consistently bounce back no matter what.
Things still go wrong in my life but I’m able to overcome them quickly.
My self- esteem has grown so much. I’m not that terrified little people-pleaser who needs approval off everyone any more. I approve of me now.
As my self-esteem and self-awareness rise, my ability to deal with setbacks rises too.
It’s so true that what didn’t kill me made me stronger. Even if I didn’t want to be any stronger, I didn’t get a choice!
The more positive I am, the more positive my life becomes.
The more loving I am, the more loving my life becomes.
The more I believe in myself, the more successful and happy life becomes.
Let me teach you what I’ve learnt along the way.
Start your journey to greater self-esteem here.
Whatever your story you deserve to be happy.
Much Love
Christina xx