I say this sentence at least once a week in my therapy/zoom room.
Most clients look a little affronted, and I can tell that they’re thinking “How rude!”
I do say it with a twinkle in my eye and a smile on my face.
But they still look a bit shocked, because I’m generally not rude at all.
I don’t use those kind of tactics.
I’m making the point that TRYING to do something isn’t usually going to get us very far.
When someone says “I’ll try” in a fairly feeble tone, I know they’re not properly invested in whatever we’re talking about so their change/action just won’t happen.
“I’ll try” has failure or a lack of real effort built into it.
I point this out to them by quoting Yoda – the wise, little green alien from the Star Wars Films (shown above).
Yoda says to Luke Skywalker in The Empire Strikes Back “Do or do not, there is no try.”
I’m not as small as Yoda, or as green, but I am quite wise and I agree with him completely 🙂
If you really want to improve something; to rid yourself of a debilitating issue once and for all, you HAVE to go all in.
Trying is just not going to cut it.
When we have low self-esteem, every little change seems hard…if not impossible.
It feels like a mountain to climb.
We tell ourselves all kinds of self-limiting stories.
I don’t deserve it…
Who am I to believe I can have it…
I’ll never achieve it in a million years…
That’s what other people have, not me, I’m defective/not good enough/unlovable in some way…
No one in my family/town/friendship group has ever done it before, so I couldn’t possibly do it…
People won’t like me if I do (by some miracle) manage to be, do or have it…
And so on and so forth…
The fear of success is often as bad as (or even worse than) the fear of failure for someone with low self-esteem.
If we do manage to succeed, we’ll always believe it was only a fluke.
It won’t feel good.
We’ll feel like a fraud or an imposter and we won’t enjoy our success as much as we should.
I’ve said this before, but many of my clients don’t even realise that they have low self-esteem till they meet me.
I didn’t…until I became a therapist. (I find this so hard to believe now, but it’s true.)
They have other issues that are causing them problems, but they don’t ever relate them to their low self-esteem (LSE for short).
Some clients do come with low self-confidence but very very few (if any) LSE.
Most eating disorders are caused as a result of LSE.
Many depressions manifest as a result of LSE.
Erectile Dysfunction (when not a physical issue) usually happens as a result of LSE.
Anxiety (I don’t feel safe) in many cases is a result of LSE.
Rheumatoid arthritis and other auto-immune diseases are brought on because of the inability to say no or to express healthy anger.
See my earlier blog on this here. This is driven by LSE.
Alcohol and most other addictions are caused by an emotional hole inside that we’re trying to fill. This hole is caused by LSE.
Leaving an abusive husband/wife/crappy job is 100 times harder if we have LSE.
It’s our LSE that caused us to put up with it for so long that it became abusive or crappy in the first place.
Do you get where I’m coming from?
So many of the issues that people present to me with are as a result of their LSE.
I don’t shoe horn clients into this pigeon hole if it’s not appropriate, but so so often it IS appropriate.
Tackle someone’s LSE and their issues usually fall away – permanently.
Honestly!
It’s miraculous.
When we raise our self-esteem, change is so much easier.
We believe in ourselves and our abilities so much more.
We know that we can climb that mountain.
We start to see that we deserve far far more than we’ve previously allowed ourselves to have.
We know now that we DO deserve it.
Whatever IT is.
Our energy lifts completely.
Our head comes up, our chest puffs out and our shoulders go back.
We have a determination, that wasn’t there before.
A drive and an oomph that’s very different.
Our energy (vibe) is a total contrast to our LSE days.
It’s a whole world away from “I’ll try”.
We don’t tolerate the negative things we used to.
We smile easily and laugh a lot more.
We’re willing to go for our dreams and desires…and we persevere if they don’t work out straight away.
We know it doesn’t matter if nobody else in our family or friendship group has ever achieved that thing before.
We’re happy to be the pioneer and take the leap.
We strive to fulfil more of our potential by going for things we never would have dreamt of going for before.
Lots of our niggly little issues fall away without us ever having to do anything different.
Psychosomatic illnesses disappear.
Most skin issues clear up, because so many of our physical issues have emotional causes.
When we clear up the wonky emotions, the issues clear up too, as if by magic.
I see it every week 🙂
Once clients overcome their original issues, they start to thrive, then they going looking for more change.
They’ve now developed a winner’s mindset.
They have a track record of success to build upon.
They start to become a better version of themselves.
They feel stronger and more resilient.
They drop their bad habits.
They forgive themselves for not knowing what they didn’t know in the past.
All their good relationships deepen, flourish and get even better.
All their bad relationships wither and/or end.
They no longer tolerate poor treatment from people who didn’t deserve them in the first place.
They teach people how they now expect to be treated.
Sooo much better than before.
They change careers, start businesses, lose weight, get fit etc etc.
And they find happiness and contentment within themselves that they’ve never experienced before.
It’s a wonderful, wonderful thing 🙂
I’d like to tell you this process is a one and done, but it’s not.
We now need to sustain this better frame of mind for the long term.
We need to create good mental health habits for life, so that we don’t drop back into old ways.
This may be by meditating, journaling, tapping or just opening up to friends or family and telling the truth if we didn’t previously.
We need to practice wonderful self-care, so we only ever give from our overflow.
We need to keep up with some kind of personal development.
This may be reading, studying or watching motivational/inspirational videos.
We need to top up our batteries on a regular basis.
This includes resting, relaxing, exercising and doing interesting hobbies.
People who have high (healthy) self-esteem do all these things for themselves naturally, because they KNOW they deserve it.
They know their true worth now.
This isn’t a chore for them.
It feels natural and enjoyable…just part of their daily routine, like brushing their teeth or taking a shower 🙂
Give yourself a score out of 10 for your self esteem now.
How much do you actually like yourself?
How much do you believe you deserve a good life with all good things in it?
How much of your potential are you fulfilling?
Do you promise yourself on a regular basis that you’ll TRY only to give up time and time again?
Then you may need my help.
It’s possible to skyrocket your self-esteem no matter where you’re starting from.
Even if you only gave yourself a 1 out of 10.
Especially if you only gave yourself a 1 out of 10!
You just need the right kind of support.
You ARE worth it.
I know you are 🙂
Let’s do this and you’ll never have to TRY ever again.
Much Love
Christina xx